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Me and us

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Aside

My rants and raves

There is a difference between loyalty and bondage.

There is a difference between faithfulness and fearfulness.

There is a difference between being devoted and being dominated.

The difference is called freedom,

And it is all the difference in the world.”

 

11th June 2015.

 

Again my rage nearly got the better of me. Pull your head in Nichole.

Who the fuck do these people think they are? What gives them the right to think they have any validated reasoning to cause or inflict pain and drama to me or anyone else that I care about?

 

Far from perfect am I or anyone in my life.

These scum bag crack heads really have signed their souls over to the devil.

Soulless monsters bringing about life changing events to people least deserving of the heartless betrayal these crack heads inflict.

Spineless in their deception to their victims, they have no empathy in their quest to be the number one known crack head gangster. Anything now goes in their destruction.

I have tried to understand the mental, emotional and moral side to why the latest betrayal by a crack head occurred, how they could genuinely perceive that their quite alright in fucking everyone over and over, expecting nothing in return least of all the blatant disrespect they show by stealing or setting up or snitching as a thank you?

After the last 3 years of my life and how hard I’ve fought to ensure that no matter what Mia eats, clothes, housed, safe before anything else takes place.

I’ve always, no matter how bad my circumstances are, have ensured Mia’s bubble not pop on a daily basis. No matter how bad things were she was shielded and normality was essential in her company.

Mia has endured more than most 3 year olds and I had never planned for the events that have unfolded to occur when Mia should be the happiest.

I will be fucking dammed If some putrid drug addicted, dole budging, fuck up come and try to ruin everything I’ve fought for.

Friends are bull shit if ice is involved. There was no trust, it was never there to begin with, Ice can block someone’s heart, brain and soul.

Ice can make sure that your child be left a “ward of state” until 2023. Strip away your title of mother.

 

How do they live with themselves knowing what they’ve done and continue to do, destroy innocent lives to ensure a crack pipe remain full.

“You deserve honesty.

You deserve transparency.

You deserve someone who respects you enough to never lie to your heart.

You deserve appreciation.

You deserve loyalty.

You deserve someone who would still be there for you even when everyone else has walked away.

You deserve happiness.

You deserve security.

You deserve something that’s REAL.

Never settle for less

Trent Shelton”

I’ve never met the next crack whore and for her sake she’d really want to ensure it remain that way.

She is another fucking “I’m abo

“, I’m allowed, I’m back, fuck up. Her being Marion.”

From what I’ve heard and now observed this rat is immature, jealous, lazy, cunning, nasty and intent on inciting drama when she feels inferior.

Worst thing about the monkey looking crack whore is it’s a mother too.

Fucked that up on the need for cock, money, crack and booze. She not only lost her babies through her utterly selfish display of a junkie picking crack over cuddles and caring for her creations.

I’m led to believe that this disgusting trash bag had no problem in lying, cheating and using the man who loved her and his boy more than most and allowed this nasty cunt to so all that and then spend all his saved money on herself and her latest fuck buddy while he was working away.

So I ask what’s a woman like myself to do when the man who’s meant to love me does absolutely nothing to defend me against the likes of this black cunt?

After all that betrayal and controlling from these type of women to me and still remain silent, even after I ask to stop it.

Exactly, what I did and will continue do is to behave and retaliate when some abo socially fucked up, junkie cunt attacks someone like me? I will bring about you being told how much of a waste your life is.

I will ensure that you fully comprehend how much of an ugly, putrid, lonely cunt that you are and how you’ll fair if you continue to incite trouble for me or my family.

When I decide it’s enough you’ll feel every fuck up you made, every heart breaking truth about your sorry excuse for a life and have belittled your existence down to you wanting to commit suicide with shame.

” When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know,

But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Dalai Lama

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Reacting to the cunts

sadness___war______-wallpaper-10542098(1)How can i remain on higher ground, when they continue to create drama for my family. The ability to remain silent has drawn to close.

 

I know retaliating without thought would be giving them what they want and expect. So i know that i wont be doing that, but what course of action do i undertake?

My life is in ruins again and i don’t know how to pick myself up and continue on without addressing everything that has unfolded, but to do that means re-living the emotions most are so distressing and sad.

Get angry only wears me out, crying wears me out.

All i have ever done is help these people and my thanks is to purposely hurt me.

 

Back then

I’m now 22 and I don’t feel so young anymore. I know there’s nothing fair about death.

It makes you feel weak, exhausted and like you wish you’d died too.

To escape the pain at this point, I didn’t realise you could possibly hate someone so much. I felt the most deep penetrating hate I’ve ever known in my life.

But my feelings are mine and its crap if anyone tells you different.The anger was so raw, ugly, destructive feeling that could rise in me and control me for days on end

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Aside

Back in the day

If I don’t get this out, I may remain in a state of despair, stress and anger.

My anxiety level are through the roof

The existence I’ve lived has been different to what society perceives as normal.

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29/11/2014

So I’m on the very edge of remaining in control of my emotions and sanity. Some would say I lost my sanity years ago and it’s something I now after so many years of laughing at it like a joke completely agree. I did lose my sanity but

I did lose my sanity but I lost a lot more than that, and if its taken so many years for me to move on from the utter devastation and anger that I breathed every day than so be it.

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Nobody knows the “real” me anymore, it doesn’t bother me all that much anymore. But at times it gets to me that no-one really comprehends the enormity of what’s transpired or what I’ve endured on a daily basis as a result of the last 3 years alone.

Anyone you remember me talking to no longer does,

Mostly my choice, some like Mel were not but eventually I ensured no reconciliation to be likely in this life time.130661571419089045